There are a ton of thought patterns that keep me challenged:

• Discouragement: What’s the point, I’m going to fail anyway, why even try, it’s too hard.
• Rationalizing: It’s OK to skip this, I can do it later, one time won’t hurt, do it but don’t try that hard, wait out the clock, go through the motions.
• Defensiveness: It’s not my fault, I didn’t mean to, why do they have to attack me?
• Avoidance: It’s overwhelming, let me just check one message, I don’t know if I can do this.
• Blaming others: Why do they have to be that way, they’re always treating me badly, I can’t have a good life because of them.
• Anticipating judgment: People won’t like this, they won’t value my contributions, they’ll think I’m a failure or stupid, I shouldn’t even try.
• Harshness towards self: I suck, I need to do better, I’m always screwing up, I should be better than this by now.

The exact categorization of the thought pattern isn’t important — what matters is whether the thought pattern is helpful. What effect does it have on me when I think it? Is it moving you toward the life I want, or getting me stuck?

I'm usually not aware when these thought patterns happen, so I'm beholden to their power without realizing it. To be clear, these aren’t “bad” thoughts — they’re natural and normal, but they aren’t always helpful. If they’re unhelpful, then what would be more helpful? We can train our minds to use a more powerful thought pattern.

I'll start to try thinking some of these instead:

• I don’t know if this will work out, but I will always put in my best effort, and get the best result I can.
• Life is short and precious, and I want to make the most of it. I use my time consciously and powerfully.
• I am strong enough to turn towards things that make me feel uncertain, afraid, overwhelmed, and to use them as a teacher.
• I don’t know if I’ll be good at this, but I’m going to act as if I will, and have unreasonable confidence.
• I don’t know what others will think, but I won’t know if this was worthwhile until I try. I’m going to have an incredible learning journey no matter what the outcome.
• They might be frustrating, but I won’t be at their mercy.
• I value myself, and acknowledge my light.

The training is to:

• Catch myself when I'm using the old pattern. I’ll usually know because I feel discouraged, I'm reaching for distraction, I'm avoiding or putting off, I'm feeling mad at someone, I'm feeling victimhood.
• Pause and acknowledge my fear. Underneath the old thought pattern is simply a bodily sensation of uncertainty and fear. Acknowledge that it’s there, that’s it’s OK to feel fear, and give it reassurance and calm it down
• Try the new thought pattern. Say it to myself and try really believing in it. Fully empower it. See what effect it has.

I have to do this over and over. Set visual reminders wherever you can. Write notes on my phone, on a mirror, on your desk. Practice, over and over. When I get discouraged from practicing, notice what thought pattern is discouraging you, and try a new one.